I just had to get this bug bear off my mind. People seem to think i'm over reacting to this whole situation but I don't think I am at all.
I remember quite vaguely that the I was still on really good terms with Matthew that night we were at Zouk while I was still in BMT. Hell, I even told him he had been a real good bro over the past few months after JC. So we continued everything as per normal. Till he went for his shoulder operation. Everything stopped there. Imagine someone you know for so many years, and you felt was pretty close to you suddenly vanish from your life. Completely. You stop hearing from him, you stop seeing him completely. He stopped appearing at gatherings, at our regular meet ups with the rest of the clique. For more than a year, I never heard from him, never spoke to him, never seen him at all.
At some point I came to realise it was a deliberate effort by him to avoid us. At least that was what I thought. Turns out, he only made a deliberate effort not to meet a few of us. Me included. For whatever reason, I up till today, have no clue at all. If anyone was in my position, you'd be a little annoyed if not slightly pissed that he could do this. At some point puzzled too I would say. Itching to find out why he would remove you from his life eh.
I was also duped by a friend that he meets up quite regularly with to invite him for my birthday. How fooled I was to have done that. Not a reply I had received. Nothing. It was around the start of the year that I had started to give up. I wouldn't say I was adversely affected by it. Not at all actually. I was more of puzzled, befuddled than anything else.
For a few months I forgot about the whole situation, since it was pretty easy (seeing how he never appeared at all, you tend to forget people that way eh) but somehow his name cropped up during a conversation with a friend who was still in contact with him. Seeing an opportunity to engage him, i dropped him a text to ask him what was up and why he did what he did. To which I never received a reply for about a week. Disrespectful? I didn't really care, i felt so stupid for even trying. It was not till a week later that he replied. With a "." that was it. I really don't know where this was going. He finally replied, i believe only after some friends told him to stop being a total douche.
So he explained that I was still his friend and that he needed time to settle some things before he could finally returned to normal. I have no idea what kind of person does such things anyway, so i couldnt really reason anything.
So today, he appeared unannounced at dinner. I can't say i was pleased. To me it just annoys me to come face to face with him for all the things he did. It just pisses me off. He apologized to everyone, but it was so contrived. He continued to refuse to state why he had to vanish from our lives.
My only issue is a simple one. I don't think its very fair to me as your friend to leave me hanging for a year, me sending you a text and you replying me with a ".". You expecting me to wait for you to settle your stuff and mind you, only telling me this about 8 months after ignoring me completely. To think I had a friend was such a lie. And when you do appear, your apology was contrived, and you continue to refuse to tell us the reason. I believe we are all deserving of an explanation after what you have done. I do not believe your decision should be respected because it's not right at all.
Feels so much better now.
Anyways, in other way more important news, US applications are overwhelming. I just hope my essays turn out fine. Going off to starlight again for a month. Means a month less to work on essays.
in priority:
1. Essays
2. SAT
3. Apply.
4. ORD.
I also got my early promotion. Feels great to be LTA slightly ahead of others. haha but after awhile makes no difference la.
